FENG SHUI FOR BEGINNERS

FENG SHUI FOR BEGINNERS - Is the lid down?

Our house is small, but it has great feng shui. Feng shui, which was invented by the Chinese, is about balance and harmony in your home and your life. It's about tapping into energy called chi'i.

I became interested in feng shui when a friend told me she solved all of her personal problems simply by moving the refrigerator a few feet east and repositioning her bed so it pointed towards Anchorage, Alaska.

You can get feng shui a couple of ways. Hire an expert (called a feng shuist) who will use an eight-sided map called a Bagua to figure out where you and your home's energy flows are. Be prepared for bad news. The expert may discover that your energies are floating somewhere over Buffalo, New York, which means you need complete realigning of your karma.

If you can't find a feng shui expert, don't worry. Feng shui can be achieved by simple redecorating or expensive remodeling.

Our house is a 978 square foot two-bedroom bungalow that was built in 1949. Within its walls are furnishings for a three-bedroom, two bath, family room and grandmother-gone-to-a-nursing home and left her stuff with us, family. The house is so small if it was a state; it would be Rhode Island. If it was an actor, it would be Danny DeVito. Three or more people gathered at the dinner table can severely derail the energy flow. Holiday meals at our house have all the charm and comfort of riding on a Japanese commuter train at rush hour.

An addition seemed like the sensible solution. "Why can't you just slap a floor, some walls and a little roof over the deck so we can have a more room? How much could it possibly cost?" I asked my husband.

He launched into a tirade about cement foundations, diverging water supplies, structural integrity and the prohibitive cost of building materials.

"And I want a fireplace and built-in bookcase too, and another bathroom," I went on, dreamily. You can use those antique bricks in the backyard for the fireplace. (We have maybe a dozen.) And that extra vinyl from the kitchen floor disaster and that window Larry gave us and...."

When the answer was a resounding no, I turned to feng shui. I might as well learn to live in harmony with the house, be it ever so small.

I called my mother and sister to explain feng shui to them. My sister said, "You've been talking to your flaky friends in California, again, haven't you?"

"If this is another one of your hair brain decorating schemes I don't want anything to do with it! Mother said. It disrupts everything! Can't we have some peace and quiet for a change?" "You don't understand. We are going to be calmer, more serene, balanced, centered and focused!" I screamed.

When my husband got home from work, I explained feng shui to him. "If this is another one of your hair brain decorating schemes I don't want anything to do with it," he said.

As I delved more into feng shui I was horrified at the mistakes we'd been making over the years.

A newspaper article quoted one feng shui expert: "Keep all drains closed and toilet lids down when not in use. Open drains symbolize avenues for money to flow out." -This explains so much!

"Place the water energy source at the entrance to the dwelling," the writer went on to say. Did that mean installing an Italian fountain on the front steps or should we move the kitchen sink?

My superb decorating skills, coupled with my new found knowledge of feng shui, have given me a Buddha-like wisdom, and lead me to higher levels of chi'i. Still, I haven't given up my dream of a larger house.

I've begun stockpiling items we'll need for the dream addition, so it won't cost as much when that happy day arrives. I gave my husband a bathroom faucet for Christmas. He was surprised. For our anniversary he's getting one-half of a sliding glass shower door. I just hope none of this stuff becomes outdated before we can build the addition. That would be bad feng shui.

Madcap Mary Mendoza, formerly known as Hurricane Mary, lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband, son, three cats and 200,000 Sunset magazines.